Alaskan Malamute

Luna at 2 months old

I never thought that it could happen at all. Much less that it could happen to me. But it did. I finally knew what it felt like to love at first sight. I asked God for the moon, and He gave it to me. Wrapped in a 2-month old, 8 kilos Alaskan Malamute mix pup. 

Have you ever said goodbye to a dog - forever? I did. In fact, five times. And it was heartbreaking every time. I promised to spare myself from that heartache again. 

So why get a dog now?

Dogs don’t actually tire of you. It’s like their mission in life is to make sure that the owners are accorded the joy that they’re due. Their loyalty is honorable. Their endurance is immeasurable. And, they’re practically impeccable. 

Right around the time when my nephew hinted of his right to be independent, at least from me, I suddenly had a deep longing to have a dog. At first, I was almost embarrassed at myself for thinking that. I mean, I was overwrought by the prospect of not having my buddy at my side anymore that when I made the decision to get a substitute, it was with an air of indifference. Like it was the natural order of things that the next best thing is to get a dog. 

Okay, what am I talking about. It’s great that they’re the next best thing right? I thought I was just being too needy when I started looking for my next best buddy. And for me that was pathetic. 

In my heart I wanted a Golden Retriever or a Siberian Husky or a St. Bernard! But my parents aren’t that keen anymore to get another dog. I think it’s mainly because it’s a great responsibility. And that was one thing that I didn’t get enough time to mull about. I was like – Hey, I’m a certified caregiver, how hard can it be, right? 

Nevertheless, I wanted to keep it a secret from my parents. So I enlisted the help of my brother who’s a big fan of the show – the dog whisperer. He guided me all throughout my decisions. He was even there when I finally told Papa that I’m getting a dog. What breed? Oh, perhaps Japanese Spitz or a Shih Tzu. Papa said yes much to my relief.

Luna at 3 months old. Dirk (left) is Luna's bestfriend!

So I started the search. I wasn’t sure what breed to get yet. But after 2 weeks of searching, it looked like I was getting a Shih Tzu. So I visited the owner’s house and when he led me to his backyard, one puppy stood out. She was too big for a puppy. In fact, she was not a Shih Tzu. 

I asked the owner: What kind of dog is she? 

He replied: Alaskan Malamute. 

And I was like: Alaskan what now? Where are her parents? 

The owner said: With the owners. She was traded off with one of my Shih Tzu puppies.

And from then on, I couldn’t keep her off my mind. I gave myself a week to decide. I prayed fervently. I continued to scour the city for other puppies. But I knew it was futile. Because I knew that from the moment when I first saw her, she already captured my heart.

On March 1, 2013, Luna arrived at our house. Weeks before I saw her, I’ve been listening to these songs - The Whole of the Moon and Moonshadow. I listen to it when I walk to work and when I walk home. I’ve asked myself what it’s like to ask for the moon. And so I did. And I got my answer.

31

Fair warning - this blog is 31 years long!

I used to wonder if I had a delayed social development when I was a child. No pun intended please, I just found it curious why I like a song 2 years after it became a hit, why I get excited over something that should have been celebrated a year ago, and why I would consider something a fad when the rest of the world considered it a standard!

For example, the prospect of turning 31 thrilled me more than words could ever describe that I decided to do these 31 things. The rest of you might have done it already when you reached your 20th, 30th, etc.

The reason why I want to do this is because as I got older, I felt that my birthday has become ordinary rather than a celebration. So I wanted to do these 31 things that I know I would enjoy and love at the same time.

1. Celebrate with a party at the midnight! When Julia Roberts wed the love of her life, they did it at 12 midnight. When asked why, her response was the most sensible thing that I learned that time - almost like an epiphany - so that when she wakes up, it's still her wedding day.

Ok so since I'm not getting married any time soon or ever - I wanted to apply this concept to my Birthday. Waking up on your birthday after the party is the best!

Silhouette

Last year, I replaced my former passion for writing and reading with instagramming. But I realized how wrong I was to let go of those two. Instagram is the last piece of the puzzle of what makes me sane and what makes me happy as I trudge in this sometimes cruel world.

Like for example just this noon, when I took my lunch break, this guy was mean to me. These things I don't get. What have I ever done to him that gave him the right to do that?

No matter how hard I try to dismiss such rudeness, I cannot easily let go of the pain. Pain is like oil that does not come off that easily.

So to comfort me, I asked my brother to pose for my IG. And he did. See how writing, IG-ing and writing makes me feel okay? I thank the Lord for these gifts. Profusely thank Him!

I know it's been a while since I last blogged. But I know that I'll sharpen this tool in no time at all.

Happy New Year all!

Divided We Fall

Let's not have a "Holy War" because of this issue. I'm a devout Catholic 101% but I don't want division. I agree that we're praying to the same God.

But I think what non-Catholics fail to fathom is that for Filipino Catholics all over the world, he was not only the champion of sports, but also our champion in faith. So that when he turned his back on our faith, it was like he turned his back on us too. And he did that without explaining it to us. People need to understand in order to accept. And Catholics are having a hard time accepting it because they don't understand his conversion. With that said, I'm not saying he made a bad decision. After all, Jesus looks into our hearts. I think we all need healing. Let's not turn this fight into a war of religions. Everything still happens for a reason.

Isaiah 55: 8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts: nor your ways my ways, saith the Lord. 9 For as the heavens are exalted above the earth, so are my ways exalted above your ways, and my thoughts above your thoughts.

So Catholic or not, we don't know any better.

A Helping Hand

The first line of Gary V's song that goes "Just what is it in me, Sometimes I just don't know, What keeps me in Your love, why You never let me go..." played over and over in my head as Pablo was advancing towards Mindanao. I don't want to sound sappy here but deep in the recess of my heart, I felt and in a wisdom that's beyond a human being can fathom, I knew that Butuan is going to be okay...again.

The weekend before Pablo made landfall, I read an inspirational quote saying that God is always ready to help us and expects us to help others. It was as if God spoke through my heart to make me promise that I help others.

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My work is making it easy for me. But unlike in Sendong when I was on field to help in the aid, this time though, I'm helping from my office desk - attending assessment meetings; emailing important reports; coordinating with partner NGOs. Some of us donated clothing items while others volunteered.

And if you can't offer your services or food and non-food items, you know what you can do? Pray. Pray. Pray for the victims, the government and the development workers. Your prayers go a long way.

So, I ask again - just what is it in us, Butuanons?

Faithfully yours,

I am disheartened by something I read today on fb. While we may not share the same religious beliefs, please have some respect and think before you throw criticisms against our Catholic Faith. If you are reduced to judging others, then you are the very opposite of what God has called you to be - a Christian. I know about freedom of expression because I am exercising that too, right now, with this post. But if God is truly in the center of our lives, we strive everyday to serve and honor Him with love in our hearts, peace in our minds and souls purified by His grace. For Jesus looks into our hearts...

The Leader of the Band

a re-post (for Papa as we celebrate his 67th Birthday!)

With Papa through the years ♥!

The Storm Has Passed... 

Papa is my HERO. His humble beginnings were like sands accumulating inside an oyster to form a pearl of simplicity that has become his super power. His weakness? Our humanity has subjected us to a certain limitation. But don't raise those eyebrows in disagreement just yet.

Much has been written about the disappointment adolescents would feel upon the realization that their parents are in fact not the heroes that they portrayed them to be. In later years, when these adolescents blossom to adulthood, they would understand that their chagrin was unfounded and that the human frailties would negate anybody the honor of being hailed a hero. 

Personally, I believe that the use of the word "hero" has been both limited and indefinite at the same time. Limited in the sense that when we call our parents as heroes, the super skills that we see in them are restricted to our knowledge of them. While soldiers, the police and firefighters are ineluctably labeled as "the heroes of today" because of the risks attached to their jobs, parents on the other hand have to endure the physical and emotional travail of nurturing their children and yet are still subjected to the often insouciant but mostly critical judgment of their offspring. One minor flaw from their children's misconceived rules of parenthood and the parents become the villains.

But what would a hero be without his frailties? Superman is still "super man" despite his powerlessness in the presence of kryptonite, isn't he? Each one of us has an Achilles heel that could break us at any given time. Heroes and heroines are defined by how they overcame all fears; how they remained strong in spite of all the setbacks; how they pulled through every major drawbacks; how they used their weaknesses to their advantages. 

With that said, heroes co-exist with their sidekicks. And for our parents, their sidekicks would be us, their children. Because when their super job wears them down, we should be there to share the load with them. It's not easy being a sidekick, though. One would have to ride out the storm of arbitrary demands from people who are prejudiced by the unwitting decisions of our heroes.

With my HERO

The storm has passed...

I realized one fateful night as my youngest brother chauffeured "kuya" and me to the place we would not forget anytime soon that Howie Day was right when he sang, "EVEN THE BEST FALL DOWN SOMETIMES". But what remained indelibly meaningful in my heart and infinitely intelligible in my mind is this song that I have always dedicated to Papa, my hero:

I thank you for the music and your stories of the road. I thank you for the freedom when it came my time to go. I thank you for the kindness and the times when you got tough. And Papa I don't think I've said, I love you near enough...The Leader of the Band is tired and his eyes are growing old. But his blood runs through my instruments and his song is in my soul. My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man. I'm just a living legacy to the LEADER of the BAND.

It is a mystery to me how he stood the test of times. That fateful night, I discovered one thing too. That I am not as strong as he is. I am weak. My crippling fear of the unknown deluges my entire being with a deep sense of apprehension. I get angry because I don't want to be inconvenienced by feelings of mistrust to others and even to myself. And then almost instantly, I get flustered with embarrassment when I get conscience-stricken with my former emotion.

 

I think that my brothers and I did not inherit Papa's courage. But I am clinging to my hope of earning this character. There are still many battles to be fought. Bruised...jaded...the important thing is that it must be won.


We LOVE you Papa!